Book Review: When I Married My Mother by Jo Maeder

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As a successful Manhattan radio DJ, Jo Maeder led what many would consider a glamorous New York City life. Yet when it became increasingly clear that her mother could no longer live on her own in the home she owned in Virginia, Jo made a choice to leave the city and move with her mother to North Carolina, where they would be near her brother and his new wife.

While that’s the basic story behind When I Married My Mother: A Daughter’s Search for What Really Matters—and How She Found It Caring for Mama Jo, there is so much more to be told in this memoir from author Jo Maeder that makes it remarkable. Jo’s parents had separated when she was a teen, and she moved away from her mother to live with her dad and brother in another state. Even before then, she didn’t feel close to Mama Jo, who collected dolls and hoped her daughter would share her passion. She didn’t. Over the years, Maeder and Mama Jo didn’t find much to connect them.

So Maeder’s decision to give up her friends and the life she had lived in New York for so long to care for Mama Jo was anything but easy. Complicating the decision was the fact that Mama Jo was a hoarder; her home was a jumble of worthless trash that needed tossing and precious family heirlooms that Jo wanted to hold onto. And Maeder, who was not particularly religious, was moving to be near her brother who, like many people who lived near their new home, was.

When I Married My Mother will strike a chord with anyone who has wondered what she will do when an aging parent can no longer care for herself. Who in that situation would not worry whether she is willing to or capable of changing her own life for an unknown future? Jo’s story is very personal in its specific details, but it’s also universal in the questions it asks us to consider: What will I give up if I care for my mother? What will I gain? How will my life change? Will it be worth it?

Readers have a glimpse of Maeder’s ultimate conclusion to that last question in the subtitle of her book: A Daughter’s Search for What Really Matters—and How She Found It Caring for Mama Jo. But she doesn’t sugar-coat the difficulties she encounters in adjusting to her new life, and she doesn’t present herself as the perfect daughter. She also continues to question where her new life will lead her. Above all, Maeder gives her readers a look at what is possible when you open yourself up to choosing differently than you ever thought you would.

This book has stayed with me since I’ve finished reading it, and I think about it often. I’ve been recommending it to my friends as well as on this site. I believe part of the reason it had such impact on me is because so much of what I read directed to adults caring for elderly parents is about how to make the unbearable bearable. Maeder’s experience makes me believe it can be more than that. Certainly Maeder was unmarried and had no children when she decided to take care of her mother, but she had a vibrant life. She chose to fit caring for her mother into it, and she is happy with her choice. Most parents take joy in ushering their children into this world; Maeder has given us a way to find joy with our parent even when helping them leave it. I believe mother-daughter book clubs with girls aged 16 and up would appreciate When I Married My Mother.

Book Review: Heavens to Betsy by Maud Hart Lovelace

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Heavens to Betsy cover imageMy daughter, Catherine, and I went to our mother-daughter book club meeting on Monday. We were set to discuss Heavens to Betsy, one of the Betsy-Tacy series by Maud Hart Lovelace.

The book begins with the news that Betsy’s family is moving away from her beloved home on Hill St. to a larger place on High St. Betsy will be far away from her best friend Tacy, and at first she’s not happy about being in a new neighborhood. But as she starts school and makes new friends while still being able to see Tacy regularly, Betsy begins to like her new life.

Two local boys walk Betsy to school every day, but they joke around a lot and she doesn’t consider either one to be a boyfriend. When a tall, dark stranger arrives at her school and becomes part of their crowd of friends, Betsy is taken with him and wonders if he is interested in her as well.

Even though the series starts much earlier, this was the first book we read as a group. The girls chose it because it’s about Betsy’s first year in high school, and as sophomores, they well remember what it’s like to be freshman.

Discussion was good. The girls noted the differences between high school and social life in the early 1900s and today. One of the girls said she thought it was a perfect book to read when you want to de-stress from a hectic schedule. It’s light reading, with little conflict. On the other hand, some of the girls had a hard time relating with Betsy’s perfect life. She got along well with her sisters and her parents, she had lots of friends, and homework didn’t take up much of her time. They believed the book would have been more interesting if there were a few more worries thrown Betsy’s way.

I think we would have liked it better if this wasn’t the first book in the series that we read. If the girls had begun reading about Betsy when they were younger, and if they had followed her story from when it started, I believe we would have had more to talk about.

All in all Heavens to Betsy was interesting for the glimpse it provided of what seemed to be upper-middle-class social life for teens in the early 1900s.

Book Review: Strange But True, America by John Hafnor

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Did you know that sometime around 1914 a 4-year-old girl living in Idaho was mailed to her grandma’s house to save train fare? Or that camels once roamed the deserts of Arizona? What about the atom bomb that was accidentally dropped near Albuquerque in 1957? All of these “strange but true” facts can be found in a book that is part of the Strange But True series, Strange But True, America.

Written by John Hafnor and featuring illustrations by Dale Crawford, Strange But True, America features little known tales from all 50 states. The story from Louisiana, where I grew up, is about a giant logjam on the Red River that lasted for centuries. I already knew some pieces of that story, yet the details Hafnor weaves in made it even more interesting than I even realized. And the tale from Oregon, where I live now, is about Nike founders Phil Knight and Bill Bowerman. Again, I knew some of the details, but not the whole story presented in the book.

Other strange tales are highlighted in the back of the book, in sections about bombs and missiles accidentally going off in quite a few states and short tidbits from all around the country, such as the football game that inspired our first cheerleader and the eagle that was sent to encourage Civil War troops because his owner wasn’t able to fight.

Mother-daughter book club members can have fun identifying their favorite stories while learning something about the history of every state. Hafnor also provides a few more tales at his website, www.StrangeTrueUS.com. You can also get individual, collectible postcards for each state. Those may be fun to collect or send to friends and family who live in other parts of the country. I recommend it for girls aged 10 and up.

Book Review: Merlin’s Harp by Anne Eliot Crompton

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Merlin’s Harp by Anne Eliot Crompton is a retelling of the legend of King Arthur and his times from the perspective of Niviene, daughter of the Lady of the Lake, known to Niviene as Nimway. They live on Apple Island, also known as Avalon, with Niviene’s brother, Lugh. Niviene is happy in her Fey world, living apart from most of her kind except when she and Lugh and their friend Elana slip into the villages and pretend to be Human.

The basic elements of the Arthur legend are here—Gwen’s relationship with Lancelot (though there is a surprise there), Mordred’s arrival at the court, the forces that ultimately threaten Arthur’s rule. But what sets Merlin’s Harp apart is Niviene’s perspective.

Niviene is 100 percent Fey, or so she believes, and as such she doesn’t understand the Human emotions of love, honor, greed, lust and longing. She has special powers that allow her to see the future through the flames of fire and speak to animals. Her forested world is rich in fantastical elements. And yet, Niviene is drawn into the Human world by Merlin, a frequent visitor to Apple Island and a friend of her mother’s. Merlin asks Niviene to help Arthur by going with Merlin to Arthur’s court. She risks losing her own power, and if she does, she will not be able to help Arthur.

Merlin’s Harp weaves a tale that blends the lines of mythical and historical worlds. Poems of Merlin’s Song and his life history are woven through the chapters, and they create a subtext of interest in Merlin’s birth and adolescence, not just as the old man we usually see him as. While the premise of the story may be well known, the details of Merlin’s Harp make it seem freshly told. Niviene’s perspective made me thing of the Arthur legend in a different way and imagine new possibilities for the reasons behind the actions of each player. The ending surprised me as well, and I thought it was fun to think of new possibilities for a tale so often told. I recommend it for mother-daughter book clubs with girls aged 14 and up.

Book Review: Beautiful Dead, Book 1—Jonas by Eden Maguire

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Darina can hardly believe her eyes when she stumbles upon a gathering in an old barn near an abandoned home way out of town. Drawn to the area because of tales around town of strange sightings there, she is shocked to see Phoenix, her recently dead boyfriend, and three other teens from town who have died in the last year, looking very much alive. An older man is with them, and Darina runs when she thinks he’s about to discover her. But the possibility that Phoenix may still be alive draws her back to learn the truth—they are all dead and brought back to earth by Hunter, who protects them. They all have unfinished business to set right before they can rest.

Beautiful Dead, Book 1—Jonas is the first in a new series by Eden Maguire. It imagines a realm where the dead can return, commune with the living, and solve a mystery surrounding their deaths. Anyone living who discovers them has his memory of the event wiped away. Except for Darina. Her strong connection with Phoenix, and her promise to help the group find the answers they’re looking for makes her a vital accomplice. She is under a strict vow of silence about what she knows.

Beautiful Dead is full of complex, conflicting relationships. Darina feels ostracized at home because she doesn’t get along with her stepfather. Caught in the middle, Darina’s mother mostly frets about the right thing to do. Darina is befriended by Phoenix’s brother, who has promised to look after her. But many in town question his motives. Darina’s old friends aren’t sure if they can trust her, and some lash out as she pulls away from them to keep her secret.

As the story evolves, we find that Darina must help each of the Beautiful Dead find out the mystery surrounding his or her death. The first is Jonas, who has been dead the longest. While Darina looks deeper into what happened the day he crashed his motorcycle, she must also deal with the grief, anguish and confusion of those closest to Jonas. And the outrage of one who has something to hide.

Beautiful Dead is imaginative and intriguing. Issues to talk about in a book group include personal feelings of spirituality and what happens after death, the bond between dating teens, jealousy, and mother-daughter relationships. While I found the descriptions of the rules that existed for the beautiful dead the least compelling part of the book, I was able to read past those and enjoy the mystery and the story enough to look forward to reading the second in the series.

Read an excerpt from the first chapter and learn more about the author at the Beautiful Dead page at Teen Fire.

Book Review: Zlata’s Diary by Zlata Filipovic

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My daughter, Catherine, wrote this review after our mother-daughter book club read Zlata’s Diary and saw the author, Zlata Filipovic at a local book signing.

This is a very good book. It is about an 11-year-old girl named Zlata who lives in Sarajevo and keeps a diary. But pretty soon war breaks out in her country, and an innocent child’s diary turns into a war diary. You read about all of the awful things that war can do to people. If you liked Anne Frank’s diary, then you are sure to like this one. (Don’t worry, she doesn’t die in the end,) In fact, the author, Zlata Filipovic still gives book talks about her wonderful book. The whole group liked it. Highly recommended! – Catherine H., Portland, Oregon

Book Review: Weedflower by Cynthia Kadohata

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A young reader sent in this review of Weedflower by Cynthia Kadohata.

A Daughter’s Review

Set in WWII, Weedflower is an amazing story about a Japanese girl who is forced to leave everything behind. Sumiko and her family travel to many different Japanese camps, while struggling to make friends along the way. But everything starts to brighten up when Sumiko meets a charming Indian boy! This book is great for any audience (yes, even adults) looking for a historical yet entertaining novel. It’s by the same author who wrote Kira Kira. – Victoria C., Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina

Book Review: Walter, the Story of a Rat by Barbara Wersba/Illustrated by Donna Diamond

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Long before a gourmet rodent named Remy stole our hearts in Ratatouille, a bookish rat named Walter scampered into existence courtesy of author Barbara Wersba and illustrator Donna Diamond. Walter is special because—unlike any of his friends or relatives—he discovered at a young age that he knows how to read. And as any of us who truly love books can easily attest, once you start reading, it is impossible to ever stop. Fortunately, Walter has taken up residence in the Long Island house of Miss Pomeroy, a lonely woman who just happens to be an author. Over the course of 60 pages—combined with a smattering of priceless pen and ink drawings—the author weaves a gentle tale of friendship in which these two unique souls come to be aware of one another. I started reading this enchanting tale myself one evening at the dining room table while my husband was cooking dinner and I kept interrupting him so often with the charming turns of phrase that he finally suggested I read it out loud to him. To date, it remains a favorite story to both of us and I have subsequently bought many copies for young people—and adults!—who would appreciate Walter’s honesty, simplicity, curiosity and kindness. – Christina H., Pasadena California

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