Discussing North of Beautiful by Justina Chen Headley

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Discussing North of Beautiful by Justina Chen

Recently the moms and 15-year-old girls in my mother-daughter book club gathered together at my home to talk about North of Beautiful by Justina Chen. My daughter Catherine and I had recommended it to our group, and we were glad we set aside a lot of time to talk about this book. Discussion went on for a full hour, and even though we had to close the meeting because it was getting late and homework beckoned the girls, we could have gone on even longer.

North of Beautiful provides a great way for moms and their daughters to have a discussion about beauty in our society—the things we do to achieve it, how we work to hide our imperfections, ways we judge others based on their looks.

In the book, the main character, Terra Cooper, has a port-wine stain birthmark covering part of her face. All her life her parents have taken her for treatments to lessen the effects of it. Terra is an expert at using heavy cover up.

I started the discussion by asking everyone to talk about their own perceived imperfections and how they try to hide them from others. One of my ears is larger than the other, something I’ve always taken pains to hide with the kind of haircut I choose. One mom said her sister had serious disabilities, so she didn’t feel she could afford the luxury of worrying about small imperfections. One of the girls worried about a mole on her face. Talking about these things made us all realize how our own imperfections appear larger in our minds than they do to those around us.

In the book Terra has a boyfriend. She feels he doesn’t really get who she is, but she also feels like she’s lucky to have him because of her birthmark. She does things with her boyfriend she doesn’t really want to do, but she’s afraid to tell him how she really feels.

This was a hot topic, and one I’m glad I was able to talk about with my daughter and her friends. The moms mostly let the girls talk, and we were happy to hear them say they believed Terra needed to be true to herself, and she should realize that when someone pressures you to do something you don’t want to do, they don’t really care about you for who you are. I hope they can take that conviction to heart throughout their own lives.

Other topics we talked about in this rich book:

Dealing with verbal abuse—Terra’s dad belittles her mom, and she cooks and overeats to feel better. Consequently, she is overweight. We recognized that Terra’s mom had to feel better about herself before she could stand up to her husband. We also talked about the tendency not to label hurtful words as abuse.

Facing problems head on—Both Terra and her mom spend a lot of time avoiding conflict. But conflict doesn’t go away; it just builds into more conflict. We talked about how hard it can be to face your problems, but in the long run it’s better than putting them off.

Making judgments based on appearances—Jacob is a Goth Asian boy Terra comes to know. We discussed how people create opinions of you based on your looks when they don’t know you. One of the moms said that’s not all bad, because some people who look scary really should be avoided. But when we can get to know someone we should try to see past the exterior they project to see what they are truly like.

The sport of geocaching is also featured in North of Beautiful. If I had thought of it in advance, I would have researched a nearby cache that our group could go out and find. Even better, we could have created our own cache to hide. I’ve been geocaching with my own family, and I think this would be a fun way to extend the reading and discover something new.

North of Beautiful is classified as a teen read, but it’s written well enough for adults to enjoy even if they don’t have teen daughters to talk about it with. I expect the issues we discussed will stay with all of us for quite some time.

For more info, read my  review and an interview with Chen.

Book Review: Bonobo Handshake by Vanessa Woods

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For me a great memoir does more than tells a personal story. It also engages both my emotions and my intellect and leaves me wanting to know more about the author and what she writes about. Bonobo Handshake by Vanessa Woods, delivers on all counts.

The book opens with Woods in crisis as she is about to board a plane with her fiancé from Paris to Kinshasa, Congo, where she will stay at a sanctuary for orphan bonobos. While most of us have heard of chimpanzees and know about their plight, far fewer people are aware of bonobos, even though they are more endangered than chimps. Like chimps, bonobos carry a good portion of the same DNA we do. Unlike chimps, bonobos are peace loving, female-dominated, and very sexual.

Most of us also know that Congo is a dangerous place where women are raped, children are conscripted to fight, and millions of people have died at the hands of various rebels and government groups in the last decade. It is part of deepest, darkest Africa, with plenty of disease and other natural threats to add to the human ones. Few outsiders find compelling reasons to linger for any amount of time. Even fewer spend time to truly understand the nature of the various factions and conflicts.

Yet Woods and her fiancé, then husband, go back again and again over several years to work with the bonobos, hoping to gain scientific knowledge of how these apes are wired, and possibly learn how humans can benefit knowing more about them.

Bonobo Handshake is a story of love, politics and science woven around the details of Woods’ personal story, the story of apes, tales of Congo and other African countries, and accounts of scientific research. The narrative flows effortlessly from one topic to another. Woods is not afraid to show her weaknesses, and if anything she downplays her own courage while highlighting the everyday bravery of those who live and work full time in the Congo on behalf of bonobos.

I was fascinated from the first page to the last, and I was glad to see resources for more information included at the end of the book. Mother-daughter book club members may want to consider the active sex lives of the bonobos before choosing this as a group read, but there is much that girls aged 16 and up and adults can learn from Bonobo Handshake. I highly recommend it.

Book Review: We Hear the Dead by Dianne K. Salerni

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We Hear the Dead imageMaggie Fox and her sister, Kate, are just playing around when they pretend they can communicate with the dead. But soon their brother is digging up the basement and finding what may be a body, and people everywhere are coming to them seeking to communicate with their loved ones who have passed on. They can’t tell the truth without getting into a lot of trouble, but they didn’t realize just how much their fame would spread.

When Maggie falls in love with well-known explorer Elisha Kent Kane, she wants to give it all up to be with him. But she finds she can’t just walk away when her family depends on her so much. Caught between the life she has and the life she wants, Maggie struggles to find a solution that will let her be true to herself without hurting those she loves.

Based on the true story of the Fox sisters and the beginning of the Spiritualist movement in the mid 1850s, We Hear the Dead by Dianne K. Salerni is a fascinating look at how something can start out as a lark and then spiral out of control. The Fox sisters’ story is the 1800s version of a video going viral and taking on a life of its own.

This is great historical fiction, but mother-daughter book clubs can add a modern touch to their conversations as well. Issues to discuss include differences in technology and communications between then and now, and how that would affect someone making claims similar to those of the Fox sisters today. Other topics include deceiving the outside world to meet the expectations of those in your family, social constraints on women of the times, expectations of social classes, and more.

Salerni includes a list at the back of the book for further reading, and it could be fun for members of a group to find out more about the real life Maggie Fox and Elisha Kent Kane to present at a meeting. As I didn’t know about Maggie before reading We Hear the Dead, I didn’t know how her story would turn out. Salerni does a great job of weaving fictional details into the framework of actual events to keep the pace moving and keep the reader interested until the very end. We Hear the Dead would be a great book for groups with girls aged 14 and older.

Book Review: Picture the Dead, Written by Adele Griffin, Illustrated by Lisa Brown

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Picture the Dead imageJennie Lovell has suffered much tragedy in her 16 years. Her parents died, her twin brother was killed fighting in the Civil War, and now her fiancé/cousin has also fallen on the battlefield. The aunt and uncle who have taken her in—never overly warm towards her— have fallen on hard times. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if they put her out.

Jennie’s cousin Quinn seems to be harboring a secret about his brother’s death, and his own wounding in combat. When the family turns to a spiritualist photographer to help calm their grief, Jennie begins to feel her fiancé is trying to send a message through the prints made. Deciphering the meaning of what she sees may just save her life.

Picture the Dead, written by Adele Griffin and illustrated by Lisa Brown, intertwines the interest in spiritualism that was rampant during the American Civil War with the story of soldiers who fought in the war and the families they left behind. So many young men died in bloody conflict it’s not surprising that their mothers, fathers and siblings sought to know if their loved ones found comfort on the other side. Photography had only recently been created, so it’s maybe not surprising that people tied the mysteries that went on in a photographer’s dark room with the mysteries of death.

Readers also see the precarious position that women of the times were often in. Dependent on the men in their lives for support, their entire futures could easily be turned upside down if a husband, father or brother died. During the Civil War, many of them did. Part historical fiction, part mystery, Picture the Dead is deliciously creepy and fun to read. Jennie keeps a scrapbook, and black-and white illustrations portray the things she secretes away: newspaper clippings, photographs, lists, letters, and notes from her twin. I highly recommend this book for mother-daughter book clubs with girls aged 14 and up.’

Book Review: Ophelia’s Oracle by Donna DeNomme and Tina Proctor

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Ophelia's Oracle imageFrom her Japanese grandmother, twelve-year-old Ophelia learns the stories of strong women from Japanese and Chinese legends.  From her horseback riding teaching, she learns the Celtic myth Rhiannon. The Greek goddess Artemis comes to her in a quiet moment. Through these stories of powerful women making difficult choices to be true to themselves, Ophelia learns to make difficult but empowering moments in her own life.

This is the story woven throughout Ophelia’s Oracle by Donna DeNomme and Tina Proctor. But the book includes so much more. Filled with self-examination exercises, poetry, drawings, and real-life stories of girls accomplishing big things, Ophelia’s Oracle is also a workbook for young girls and early teens.

There are lots of issues for moms and girls to discuss as they read through Ophelia’s story and work on the exercises, including overcoming fears, dealing with problems with friends, handling sibling issues and learning how to find peace within yourself. Ophelia’s Oracle has won several awards, including a Gold Mom’s Choice Award 2010 in the category of Young Adult Inspirational/Motivational. The authors also lead an ongoing mother-daughter group using many of the activities. More information can be found at http://www.opheliasoracle.com/index.html.

Book Review: Nissa’s Place by A. LaFaye

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Nissa's Place imageEver since her mama left home two years before, Nyssa’s been adjusting to new situations. Not being with her mama all the time, getting to know her papa’s new wife, ignoring the comments of gossipy people in her small Louisiana town. She’s no longer sure how she fits into it all.

When her mama swoops in to take her off to live for a while in Chicago, Nissa experiences the joys and pitfalls of city life for the first time. She sees more clearly the deprivations brought on by the Depression, and she understands that she’ll probably never live in the same city with both her parents again.

Nissa is torn between what she truly wants for herself. Then, while visiting a library in Chicago, she finds inspiration for creating something new that will help her finally figure out where she wants to call home.

Nissa’s Place by A. LaFaye is richly evocative of the time it’s set in. It’s a time when women didn’t wear pants or speak up too much, blacks and whites had separate schools, restaurants and water fountains, and  divorce was rare. Country life and city life were worlds apart.

Nissa’s papa is wise and patient, her mama impulsive and creative. From both of them she learns how to find the talents inside herself that will help her be at peace with whatever path she takes. She knows she is deeply loved by them both. Mother-daughter book clubs with girls aged 9 to 16 should find lots to talk about after reading Nissa’s Place is set in. Issues to discuss include women’s roles in the 1930s, segregation, doing what you think is right even if it may be unpopular, putting yourself at personal risk to do what’s right, finding your personal strengths, divorced parents, and more. I highly recommend it.

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Book Review: Kimchi and Calamari by Rose Kent

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Kimchi and Calamari imageJoseph Calderaro is an “eighth-grade optimist” whose “bag of barbecue chips is always half full.” That is until he has a lousy 14th birthday and his teacher assigns a 1,500-word paper called Tracing Your Past: A Heritage Essay. The only trouble is, Joseph is adopted. Fourteen years ago he was left on the steps of a police station in Korea. His adopted parents are Italians living in New Jersey, and while he knows he’s a Calderaro, he feels he can’t claim the Italian heritage as his own.

Kimchi and Calamari by Rose Kent follows Joseph as he questions his own identity and struggles to come up with answers about his heritage. Is he a real Korean? Is he Italian? Does it make a difference to him?

I found myself liking Joseph right off the bat. And I loved the assignment he got to write about his heritage. I’ve done a lot of work tracing my own family’s ancestors, so I know that feeling of wanting to identify with the people who came before you. Joseph’s desire to know more about where he came from is extra complicated because of his adoption. But I admired the way he treats this issue as just one of many things he’s thinking about in life. He is 14 after all, and so he’s trying to decide who to ask to the year-end dance. He’s also making new friends and trying to figure out how to bring up difficult subjects with his parents.

Through it all Joseph mostly maintains his optimism, even while he gets into and out of trouble. I found myself cheering for him and thinking how refreshing it is to get to know a character who is upbeat most of the time.

Kimchi and Calamari has many things for mother-daughter book clubs to like and talk about. Issues include communicating with your parents, what makes you part of a family, adoption, your family heritage, dating and more. And don’t be surprised if you get hungry while reading it. The Italian food and Asian dishes described should offer plenty of ideas for what you can serve at a book club meeting. I highly recommend it for mother-daughter book clubs with girls aged 9 to 12.

Book Review: The Plague by Joanne Dahme

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The Plague imageIn the 1300s England, fifteen-year-old Nell has served as an attendant to Princess Joan since Nell’s parents died of the plague two years before. She also protects her nine-year-old brother, George, who is simple but also wise in unexpected ways. Nell bears an uncanny resemblance to Princess Joan. When the princess dies of a new plague outbreak while on a journey to meet her future husband, her brother, the Black Prince, hatches a plot to pass Nell off as the princess and marry her to a Spanish prince.

Nell has no choice but to go along while she plots an escape. She finds unexpected allies in her quest to flee the Black Prince and make her way back to what she believes is safety in Bordeaux.

The Plague by Joanne Dahme captures the dark mood and superstitions of Europeans during this time when the plague carried off so much of the population. The sickness had no favorites, and it infected young, old, rich, poor, healthy and weak just the same. People believed it was caused by bad air, and no one paid much attention to the rats that swarmed among them. Nell’s is a tense story against this backdrop of whole nations under stress. Mother-daughter book clubs can talk about the historical time period as well as Nell’s reaction to the predicament she finds herself in. I recommend The Plague for groups with girls aged 12 to 16.

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