Book Review: Because I Love Her, Edited by Andrea Richesin

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Book giveaway closed; check this blog post for the winners and thanks for commenting.

In honor of Mother’s Day on Sunday, I have two copies to give away of this great new anthology about mothers and daughters called Because I Love Her, edited by Andrea Richesin. To enter, please check out my review and interview with the editor, then leave a comment at the end of this post by the end of the day Saturday telling us something you love about your mother or your daughter.

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The mother-daughter bond is complex. As daughters, we may strive to be more like our mothers, or we may cast off both the implicit and explicit things our mothers taught us. As mothers, we may want different things for our daughters than we had growing up, and we may celebrate the diversity to be had through generations of women passing down their wisdom. No matter our relationships with our mothers, they almost always leave a gaping hole in our hearts when they are gone.

In her new anthology, Because I Love Her, editor Andrea N. Richesin weaves together a collection of essays by women writers who explore that mother-daughter relationship in all its complexities. The writers candidly talk about the effect their mothers had on their lives as well as their own hopes and aspirations for their daughters. They celebrate the emotional highs and lows that come from such intimate knowledge of each other—knowledge than can help to build us up or tear us down.

The collection includes essays written by well-known authors, such at Jacquelyn Mitchard, Joyce Maynard, Susan Wiggs and Karen Karbo., as well as emerging voices.

Because I Love Her may be most appropriate for a mother-daughter book club with daughters who are in high school, but even more, I think it’s a wonderful anthology to keep in your permanent library. I imagine pulling it off the shelf every few months to reread an essay or two.  I plan to give a copy to my mother for Mother’s Day, and I’m also putting it on my gift list for many of my female friends. I highly recommend it.

Editor Nicki Richesin generously shared her time answering a few questions for readers at Mother Daughter Book Club. Here’s the interview:

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How did you decide to put together an anthology of women writing about their mothers and daughters?

NR: After I had my daughter, I wanted to create a book about mothers and daughters and this fascinating, complicated relationship they share. I think after her birth, I finally recognized for the first time what it means to be a mother. A mother’s love means devotion, selflessness, sacrifice and of course, so much more. So I decided to ask my contributors “What would you tell your mother or daughter if you could tell her anything?” They’re so many things we’re not willing to say out loud or confess to ourselves. I thought wouldn’t it be freeing to finally confess them. For some of the contributors, it’s too late. Their mothers have passed away and they missed their chance. For them, writing their essays was really an opportunity to finally express how they felt about their mothers.

What were you looking for when seeking women to contribute essays?

NR: The short answer is: talent and the courage to share their private lives. I was lucky to have a network of writers to draw from in my first anthology THE MAY QUEEN. I approached a number of writers I had long admired and wanted to include in TMQ like Anne Marie Feld (I devotedly read her journal on Babycenter.com each week when I was pregnant with my own daughter) Tara Bray Smith (I adored her memoir West of Then) Katrina Onstad (I was a fan of her writing in the National Post) and Kaui Hart Hemmings (I gobbled up her short story collection and thought The Descendents was absolutely brilliant).
I was excited to feature new talents like Katherine Center and Lucia Orth. I also enjoyed working with heavyweights like Jacquelyn Mitchard, Karen Joy Fowler, and Susan Wiggs. It was very humbling and inspiring to work with all of the writers.

What would you say makes this collection of essays stand out?

NR: All of the contributors were incredibly brave in exposing intimate details from their personal lives. Although it wasn’t easy, and for some it was actually quite painful, they courageously share the truth of their own experiences. I think this anthology is a tribute to how difficult it can be to accept the ones we love the most. The thread that runs throughout the collection is this idea that despite our mothers’ best efforts- whatever they had to deal with- we remain hopeful for them, for our daughters, and ourselves.

There are so many aspects of mother-daughter relationships covered in Because I Love Her. Were you surprised that each writer had such a different perspective on the topic?

NR: Not at all. In fact, I had hoped to provide a vast array of perspectives. I would have been very disappointed if they had shared the same experiences. I wouldn’t say the content has surprised me, but the public’s reaction has floored me. Although I knew the writings are powerful, I was amazed by the audience’s response at our recent readings. I found it touching they were so deeply moved in this way by their work. One woman bravely shared how the anthology resonated with her. She confessed that her mother had been an alcoholic and she still felt trapped in her sixteen-year-old relationship with her- angry and confused. She broke down weeping with the memory of wanting so desperately to love her mother and it just proved once again how powerful this connection can truly be.

What are you most happy about in the way the collection came together?

NR: I’ve been absolutely thrilled by our readers’ response to the work and how moved they’ve been by it. It has been a great honor to work with such amazing writers and come to know a few of them personally. I really wanted to create a collection that showed the true nature of the mother-daughter bond and I think, in the end, I achieved that goal. I hope the book accomplishes two things. 1.) I hope women will discover who their mothers truly are and 2.) It will open a dialogue between mothers and daughters, especially estranged ones.

I understand you’re working on a father-daughter anthology. Can you tell us a bit about that and when we can expect to see it in print?

NR: WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: 30 MALE WRITERS ON THE FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP will be available May 2010, just in time for Father’s Day. I’ve been overwhelmed by the powerful writing I have read thus far. This father-daughter connection is so important to little girls in forming their own identities and of course, it sets the standard for all of their relationships with men going forward. I have seen this with my own daughter- how much she looks to my husband for guidance. In my mind, fathers are the most important men in their daughters’ lives. I think fathers feel a strong need to protect and defend their daughters- a warrior impulse, maybe. Men also worship their daughters in a very sweet and tender way.

Is there anything else you would like to share with readers of Mother-Daughter Book Club?

NR: When we did events in the San Francisco bay area, I saw firsthand how deeply this book has moved the readers. We’ve had readings, in which women were weeping and had to pass around a box of Kleenex. This is a stirring topic and can bring up unresolved issues for women. It can make them face their regrets, but also offers redemption. We all love our mothers, no matter what pressures they faced, we can forgive them and honor them this Mother’s Day. Thank you for this opportunity to share my thoughts on the anthology with your readers!

Nicki Richesin is the editor of four anthologies, Because I Love Her: 34 Women Writers Reflect on the Mother-Daughter Bond; What I Would Tell Her: 30 Male Writers on the Father-Daughter Relationship (May 2010); the forthcoming Crush: Real-life Tales of First Love Gone Wrong by our Best Young Adult Novelists; and The May Queen: Women on Life, Work, and Pulling it all Together in your Thirties. Her anthologies have been excerpted and praised in The New York Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, Redbook, Parenting, Cosmopolitan, Bust, Daily Candy, and Babble. She lives with her husband and daughter in northern California. For more about Nicki and her anthologies, visit www.nickirichesin.com.

Book Review: Jane in Bloom by Deborah Lytton

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Twelve-year-old Jane has always been in awe of her big sister, Lizzie, who is perfect in so many ways. But there’s nothing Jane can do to help when Lizzie’s obsession with being thin spirals into unending arguments with their parents and ends in Lizzie’s death. Suddenly the rest of Jane’s family is struggling for survival as well, not sure how to forge a future together.

This tender book shows how one family member’s emotional and psychological state impacts everyone else in the family in both large and small ways. Lizzie’s parents are very human as they struggle to understand their daughter’s eating disorder. They make choices that are well meaning and stem from their love of and fear for Lizzie, but ultimately they cannot save her. It’s easy for everyone in the family to forget about Jane, who doesn’t cause trouble and is not expected to perform as highly as Lizzie does. So when Jane becomes the only child, she has to find her way forward as her own person, not as a younger sister.

While Jane in Bloom by Deborah Lytton deals with heartbreaking issues, it is also uplifting. It ultimately can lead to a good discussion in a mother-daughter book club about family roles, eating disorders, and how to find what’s important to you in your life.

Sage Cohen, Author of Writing the Life Poetic, Talks About Poetry

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My friend Sage Cohen is celebrating the release of her new book Writing the Life Poetic and she’s blogging about poetry to help celebrate National Poetry Month. It’s a great time for a mother-daughter book club to consider choosing poetry to focus on for a whole month, even if that month is sometime down the road. Here’s a Q and A with Sage on the role of poetry in our lives.

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Q&A with Sage Cohen, Author of
Writing the Life Poetic: An Invitation to Read and Write Poetry

How does poetry make the world a better place to live?

SC: I think poetry fills the gap left by the so-called objective truth that dominates our media, science and legislation. Many of us want to comprehend and communicate the complexity of human experience on a deeper, more soulful level. Poetry gives us a shared language that is more subtle, more human, and—at its best—more universally “true” than we are capable of achieving with just the facts.

How has integrating the reading and writing of poetry into your life impacted you?

SC: I will risk sounding melodramatic in saying that poetry saved my life. I stumbled into a writing practice at an extremely vulnerable time in my early teenage years. Poetry gave me then, as it does today, a way of giving voice to feelings and ideas that felt too risky and complicated to speak out loud. There was a kind of alchemy in writing through such vulnerabilities…by welcoming them in language, I was able to transform the energies of fear, pain and loneliness into a kind of friendly camaraderie with myself. In a way, I wrote myself into a trust that I belonged in this world.

Do people need an advanced degree in creative writing in order to write poetry?

SC: Absolutely not! Sure, poetry has its place in the classroom; but no one needs an advanced degree in creative writing to reap its rewards. What most people need is simply a proper initiation. I wrote Writing the Life Poetic to offer such an initiation. My goal was that everyone who reads it come away with a sense of how to tune into the world around them through a poetic lens. Once this way of perceiving is awakened, anything is possible!

Why did you write Writing the Life Poetic?

SC: While working with writers for the past fifteen years, I have observed that even the most creative people fear that they don’t have what it takes to write and read poetry. I wrote Writing the Life Poetic to put poetry back into the hands of the people––not because they are aspiring to become the poet laureate of the United States––but because poetry is one of the great pleasures in life.”

Who is Writing the Life Poetic written for?

SC: Practicing poets, aspiring poets, and teachers of writing in a variety of settings can use Writing the Life Poetic to write, read, and enjoy poems; it works equally well as a self-study companion or as a classroom guide. Both practical and inspirational, it will leave readers with a greater appreciation for the poetry they read and a greater sense of possibility for the poetry they write.

What sets Writing the Life Poetic apart from other poetry how-to books?

SC: The craft of poetry has been well documented in a variety of books that offer a valuable service to serious writers striving to become competent poets. Now it’s time for a poetry book that does more than lecture from the front of the classroom. Writing the Life Poetic was written to be a contagiously fun adventure in writing. Through an entertaining mix of insights, exercises, expert guidance and encouragement, I hope to get readers excited about the possibilities of poetry––and engaged in a creative practice. Leonard Cohen says: “Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.” My goal is that Writing the Life Poetic be the flame fueling the life well lived.

Is it true that your book and your baby were conceived and birthed at the same time? What did you learn from this process?

SC: Yes, I often refer to my son Theo and Writing the Life Poetic as my multi-media twins! I found out I was pregnant with Theo about two months into the writing of the book and I was making final edits to the book in layout two weeks after he was born. It was fascinating to have two of the most potent creative processes I’ve ever experienced happening in tandem. What I learned is a great respect for the birthing journey; it is one that has completely rewritten me along the way.

I am writing a monthly column this year for The Writer Mama zine titled “The Articulate Conception” which chronicles my journey of becoming an author and a mom. Through the course of ten essays, I am exploring this double-whammy birth trajectory–from the twinkle in my eye to the bags under my eyes. The first column is available here: http://thewritermama.wordpress.com/2009/01/20/the-articulate-conception-planting-seeds/.

What makes a poem a poem?

SC: This is one of my favorite questions! I’ve answered it in my book, but it’s a question that I’m answering anew every day. And that’s what I love about poetry. It’s a realm where invention is not limited entirely by definition; there is room enough for the endless possibilities of the human. Every time we try to draw a line around what a poem is, something spills over into the next frame, shifting the point of view and demanding new names: olive, token, flax, daffodil. A poem is all of these, or none of them, depending on the quality of light and how the blade in the next room stirs the night.

What do you think people’s greatest misperceptions are about poetry?

SC: I think the three greatest stereotypes about the writing of poetry are:

1.    That one has to be a starving artist or deeply miserable to write great poetry.
2.    That reading and writing poetry are available only to an elite inner circle that shares secret, insider knowledge about the making of poems.
3.    That poetry does not fund prosperity.

I hope very much that Writing the Life Poetic helps offer alternatives to some of these attitudes and perceptions.

Why is National Poetry Month (April) a great time to read and write poetry?

SC: Every month is a great time to read and write poetry! But National Poetry Month is special because there are a number of inspiring opportunities to read and write in virtual tandem with poets everywhere, which creates a feeling of momentum and community. On my blog, I have a brief list of some fun ways to plug into the fun. http://writingthelifepoetic.typepad.com/writing_the_life_poetic/2009/03/national-poetry-month-starts-tomorrow-are-you-ready.html

I’d love to conclude with a poem of yours. Would you be willing to share one?

SC: Of course! Happy to!

Leaving Buckhorn Springs
By Sage Cohen

The farmland was an orchestra,
its ochres holding a baritone below
the soft bells of farmhouses,
altos of shadowed hills,
violins grieving the late
afternoon light. When I saw
the horses, glazed over with rain,
the battered old motorcycle parked
beside them, I pulled my car over
and silenced it on the gravel.
The rain and I were diamonds
displacing appetite with mystery.
As the horses turned toward me,
the centuries poured through
their powerful necks and my body
was the drum receiving the pulse
of history. The skin between me
and the world became the rhythm
of the rain keeping time with the sky
and into the music walked
the smallest of the horses. We stood
for many measures considering
each other, his eyes the quarter notes
of my heart’s staccato.  This symphony
of privacy and silence: this wildness
that the fence between us could not divide.

About Sage Cohen

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Sage and her son, Theo

Sage Cohen is the author of Writing the Life Poetic: An Invitation to Read and Write Poetry (Writers Digest Books, 2009) and the poetry collection Like the Heart, the World. An award-winning poet, she writes four monthly columns about the craft and business of writing and serves as Poetry Editor for VoiceCatcher 4. Sage co-curates a monthly reading series at Barnes & Noble and teaches the online class Poetry for the People. To learn more, visit www.writingthelifepoetic.com. Drop by and join in the conversation about living and writing a poetic life at www.writingthelifepoetic.typepad.com!

Add a Little Poetry to Your Mother-Daughter Book Club Meetings

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April is National Poetry Month, and it’s a good time for mother-daughter book clubs to consider selecting poetry for a meeting.

There are many ways you can enhance a book club poetry meeting to extend to the whole family. My book club chose to read poetry for a month a few years ago, and everyone in the family got into the act. First, we all headed to our local library to pick out books of poetry that we wanted to read (in addition to our assigned book). My husband and I went for some of the classic poets that we read when we were younger, because we wanted to remind ourselves of some of our past favorites. We chose Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson and others. We also added a few poets we weren’t familiar with, like Langston Hughes.

Our daughters both chose books with poetry that would make them laugh. They liked Jack Prelutsky’s A Pizza the Size of the Sun, and It’s Raining Pigs and Noodles. We took turns reading our favorites out loud over the dinner table each night.

We also tried our hand at writing poetry. I can’t say that anything profound came out of our efforts, but it was a great creative endeavor, and we wrote poems we could be proud of. When it came time for our group meeting, we had a great time reading some of our favorite poems out loud and sharing some of the work we had written as well.

Check out some of these titles of poetry that kids may enjoy if you plan to have a poetry meeting of your own:

•    Kenn Nesbitt—Revenge of the Lunch Ladies, My Hippo Has Hiccups: And Other Poems I Totally Made Up, and several other collections of poetry.
•    Jack Prelutsky—A Pizza the Size of the Sun and It’s Raining Pigs and Noodles, plus more titles of poetry.
•    Robert Louis Stevenson—A Child’s Garden of Verses.
•    Emily Dickinson—The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson.

Heather Vogel Frederick Talks About Authors Meeting With Book Clubs

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Today I’m featuring a guest post from author Heather Vogel Frederick, author of the novel series for tweens, The Mother-Daughter Book Club. Here she talks about the pleasure of connecting with her readers.

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Guest Blog Post by Heather Vogel Frederick

When I began writing The Mother-Daughter Book Club a couple of years ago, I had no clue what was in store for me.  How could I possibly have guessed that the book would soon be bringing me into the homes and hearts of readers around the country?

It all began as a marketing brainstorm – instead of the expense of a full-blown book tour, I’d offer to visit with book clubs by speakerphone or Skype’s free videoconferencing service.  This “virtual” tour was meant to last just a month or two, but it quickly took on a life of its own as invitations flowed in from mother-daughter book clubs around the country.  In the ensuing months, I’ve simply been having too much fun to stop the ride and get off.

Is it a time commitment?  Sure.  But how often do writers get the chance to interact with their readers?  Aside from a brief flurry of signings after a book’s initial publication, most authors work in a vacuum.  Writing is a solitary pursuit, after all.  Talking with one’s audience offers a unique opportunity to enrich and extend the conversation that every book begins between author and reader.  I genuinely enjoy spending time with the tween age group I write for.  I love their enthusiasm and delight and honesty and curiosity.  I love answering their questions and offering encouragement and advice.  And these virtual visits are also a very real way for me to give back.

Years ago, when my adolescent self was mooning around Concord, Massachusetts, dreaming of being a writer someday like Louisa May Alcott, one of our town’s most illustrious former residents, my mother managed to wangle an invitation to tea with a local author.  How she did this I’ll never know, but I imagine it was in much the same way she managed to wangle an original sketch from Barbara Cooney when the artist was visiting our next-door neighbor one day – she simply marched up to her and asked.  When it came to anything that might benefit her daughters, my mother was a fearless wangler.

The author’s name was Elizabeth Baker, and although her books for young readers are sadly no longer in print, the memory of our visit endures.  On the appointed afternoon, I showed up on her doorstep, uncharacteristically dressed to the nines (thanks, mom!) and clutching a manuscript in my nervous hands.  Mrs. Baker ushered me into her living room, and while I started in on the tea and homemade cookies she’d prepared, she patiently read my story.  I waited with bated breath for her response (secretly hoping she’d tell me it was brilliant and should immediately be published, of course).  While that didn’t turn out to be the case, Mrs. Baker more than made up for any deflated spirits on my part with generous praise and savvy writing tips.  I was thrilled.

After our chat, she gave me a tour of her ultra-modern office, which could only be reached via a catwalk suspended high above her living room.  This architectural innovation awed me into a state of near muteness, as did the workspace itself.  Her secluded aerie was lined with miles of bookshelves and file cabinets (which were orange, as I recall – cutting edge hip for that decade) and flooded with light from the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking her wooded property.  Mrs. Baker was the first person I ever met who worked from home, and I decided then and there that’s what I wanted to do someday as well, book-filled office and all.

Today, my cozy office may not be an architectural marvel, and it may overlook a simple backyard bird feeder instead of a broad expanse of woodland, but it is filled with books and light and the view it offers me is something I doubt Mrs. Baker ever could have imagined.  Connected to the world via phone and internet, I can sit in my armchair and be transported to living rooms and family rooms from Anchorage to Atlanta, Nebraska to New York.  And as I gaze at my laptop screen during these Skype visits, I see reflected in the faces of my readers echoes of myself at their age, poised on the brink of life and bubbling with possibility.  In their hands they often clutch questions for me in much the same nervous, excited way I clutched my manuscript oh-so-many years ago, and my hope as I watch them is that I might prove to be their Mrs. Baker, and inspire some of them the way she inspired me.
Now if someone could only invent a technology for teleporting the yummy-looking cupcakes and other treats that are standard fare at book club meetings, I’d really be able to join the party!

For more information or to invite Heather to talk with your book club via speakerphone or Skype, please visit her website (www.heathervogelfrederick.com).

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The Pleasure of Re-Reading Books

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I’ve already read each of the books chosen for April in my two mother-daughter book clubs. I remember liking The Bonesetter’s Daughter by Amy Tan and Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen when I read them, but it’s been years since I finished those books. I usually have so many titles to read (you know the old adage, so many books, so little time) that I rarely pick up something that I’ve read before. But sometimes it’s worth revisiting the gems of the past. Each time I do, I learn something or notice a detail I didn’t get before. And, because this time I’m reading each of the books to discuss with one of my daughters, I will think about things that may have meaning for them as well. I look forward to finding out what that may be.

After today, I’ll be taking a break from blogging for the next two weeks. My kitchen remodel is almost finished, but the last bits are either forcing me from my home (refinishing the wood floors) or have me running around moving things all day long (replacing carpets). I plan to have time to read, though, and I’ll be back in April with another batch of book reviews in addition to the ones I’m reading for book club and news from other groups with fresh ideas for you.

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Book Review: Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

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Catherine and I recently finished Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones for our mother-daughter book club. We had not read a fantasy tale for a few years, and it was fun to set off into another world for a change. We had a great discussion when we got together with everyone from our group. Some of had seen the movie before, but reading the book gave us a whole new idea of what Howl’s world was like. Here’s an official review:

Sophie is sure that her life is meant to come to nothing, because where she lives the eldest child is always ill-fated. So when times get tough for her family she is content to stay home and work in the family hat shop while her two younger sisters go off to bright futures working in a bakery and learning magic. But when the Witch of the Waste comes into her shop one day and casts a spell on Sophie, making her appear old, she decides to set off into the wider world where she knows no one.

When her old bones become tired at the end of her first day of wandering, she finds herself at the edge of the wizard Howl’s castle. The castle is enchanted; it moves and blows puffs of smoke constantly. Although Sophie is afraid of Howl because she heard he eats young girls’ souls, in the guise of an old woman she thinks she will be safe. With thoughts of finding a warm fireside and a comfy chair, Sophie goes into the castle.

She finds Howl’s assistant Michael, and his fire demon, Calcifer, but Howl is not in. As Sophie makes herself useful and becomes a part of the castle life, she begins to learn more and more about Howl, Calcifer and Michael. Gradually, as she gets to know them, they become like a second family to her. But can she keep Howl from being taken by the Witch of the Waste? And can she break a magical spell that binds Calcifer to Howl, so the spell on her can be broken as well?

Howl’s Moving Castle brings up issues of creating family for yourself and seeing people for who they truly are, despite the masks they put up to keep others at a distance. It’s about finding love and acceptance, and not being afraid to look for the magic in small moments. The castle itself is fascinating, with its door leading to different villages depending on which colored-button is facing down, its ability to move its location and its permanent window looking onto a sunny port town. Our mother-daughter book club members thought the ending felt a bit rushed, but otherwise we all enjoyed reading it and talking about Sophie, Howl and all the characters. I recommend it for book clubs with daughters aged 13 and up.

Book Review: Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

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Madeleine and I read Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates for our book club in March. We thought it would be a good idea to read the book and then see the movie, but once we finished the book no one was up for the film. We didn’t expect it to be happy, but we also didn’t expect it to be so depressing either.

We believed Revolutionary Road would give us insight into suburban life in the 1950s, and we would be able to talk about the roles men and women felt compelled to assume in that era. We looked forward to a discussion and comparison of how those roles differed today as well as ways they may still be the same.

Reading the book, however, we were each struck by how the story was more about a lack of maturity, morality, and inner fortitude of the characters themselves than it was about the time they lived in. From the beginning April and Frank seemed to have no interest in putting work into forming a lasting relationship and marriage with children. It was as though they never transformed from thinking only of themselves when they were single, to thinking of the needs of each other and especially of their children. The children in the story were mostly forgotten and emotionally neglected.

Frank deciding to have an affair summed up so many of the character flaws we saw in both of them. He had an affair because he could. Why not, he reasoned. And that’s where we see a difference with someone who is more mature and committed to a marriage.

While we did have a great discussion about character, we thought Frank and April would have made the similar poor choices whichever era they lived in, because they were both very self-focsed. Maybe our error was assuming it was a story more about the times the characters lived in than the characters themselves. Either way, we won’t be seeing the movie.

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