Yesterday, I featured a review of Pesi Dinnerstein’s book A Cluttered Life. Today, I’m featuring an essay she wrote about clutter and the need to create borders, something different from boundaries. Dinnerstein, also known as Paulette Plonchak, has also written selections for the best-selling series Small Miracles, by Yitta Halberstam and Judith Leventhal, and has contributed to several textbooks and an anthology of short stories.

She recently retired as a full-time faculty member of the City University of New York, where she taught language skills for close to thirty years. Dinnerstein has been an aspiring author and self-acknowledged clutterer for many years, and has spent the better part of her life trying to get organized and out from under. Despite heroic efforts, she acknowledges that she has not yet succeeded; but she continues to push onward, and hopes that her journey will inspire others to keep trying as well.

For more information visit: www.aclutteredlife.com or www.sealpress.com.

Pesi Dinnerstein

MY CLUTTERED WORLD:  A Land Without Borders

by Pesi Dinnerstein

My first introduction to the complex question of borders came when I was about six years old and asked my father where he was from.

“Well . . . ” he began slowly—and I knew right away that the answer was not going to be an easy “Brooklyn” or “the Bronx,” like that of my friends’ parents—“I was born in what was sometimes Czechoslovakia and sometimes Hungary.”

“You see,” he went on, in his charming accent—which was neither completely Czechoslovakian nor Hungarian—“I was born in a border town, and the border kept changing. Sometimes, it would be Czechoslovakia, and then it would change hands and become Hungary, and then…”

This was obviously not a simple concept. And, over the years, it’s only grown more complicated. In fact, I would have to say that I’ve now developed a real issue with borders. Maybe it’s in my genes.

This is not to be confused with the issue of boundaries—which I also have, but that’s not for now. In my mind, boundary issues tend to be more psychological and relationship-oriented. At the moment, however, it’s borders that I’m trying to deal with.

The problem is that I don’t have any to speak of. Things tend to spill over from one area of my life to another. Whether it’s piles merging with other piles, one errand running overtime into the next, projects overlapping projects—there’s rarely a divider or breathing space between anything in my life. Even my mind feels as overcrowded and unstructured as my surroundings and my schedule.

In Clutterers Anonymous (yes, there really is such a program—see Chapter Six of A Cluttered Life), there are four things a member has to do every day in order to be considered abstinent. From the moment I heard this, the first two immediately made sense: Put back whatever you take out; and throw away one item a day. But the second two called for a bit more reflection: Wash your dishes every night; make your bed in the morning.

There are so many things that would make my house feel neater, I thought—what’s so special about those two? Then, I realized that in addition to maintaining order, these activities create important borders. We don’t bring the day into the night (no dirty dishes), and we don’t bring the night into the day (no unmade bed). And we accomplish this in each case by taking one concrete action.

It sounds so simple and so wise—but I met with enormous resistance when I tried to apply these basic principles to my unruly life. Structure often feels oppressive to me, and I chafe against systems and rules.

But one day, as I was working on my piles, I stared out the window in search of a little distraction. There sat my vegetable garden in full bloom. It’s only a tiny patch behind my small apartment, but it was overflowing with collard greens and cabbage, romaine lettuce, herbs, green tomatoes about to turn red—all the joys of a backyard harvest. And all in the space of a narrow patio.

Suddenly, I realized that it was only possible because each was contained in its own small pot or raised bed. This tiny garden was bursting with life because it adhered to its own boundaries. The parsley stayed in its container, and the garlic chives in theirs. The basil didn’t mingle with the arugula, and even the zucchini and cucumbers maintained a healthy distance.

And, with this observation, my attitude immediately began to shift. If all these vegetables stay within their own borders while they’re growing, they can break free at the end and join together to create one wild and glorious salad. A little restraint at the beginning for the sake of a great feast later—I could definitely live with that.

So, now, instead of organizing my piles, I think of it as pruning and weeding my crops. And rather than focusing on the restrictions it imposes, I’m looking forward to the freedom it will eventually bring.

Amazing what a little tweak in imagery can do.

Michaela MacColl has written two novels for young readers that feature historical figures: Beryl Markham in Promise the Night and Queen Victoria in  Prisoners in the Palace: How Princess Victoria Became Queen with the Help of Her Maid, a Reporter, and a Scoundrel. Recently I had a chance to ask her a few questions about Promise the Night, and here she offers us insight on how she approaches research and builds characters for her novels. (Note: Read my review of Promise the Night and enter to win a copy of that book as well as Prisoners in the Palace.)

What did you know about Beryl Markham before you wrote Promise the Night?

MM: I knew nothing! My mother started taking flying lessons when I was in college. When she got her license, I bought her a copy of West with the Night, Markham’s wonderful memoir. It had just been reissued. 20 years later, I was looking for a new project. Mom suggested Beryl Markham. I read the memoir and was hooked within 10 pages.

What kind of research did you conduct before you started to write?

MM: All my books center on a famous person—so my process is the same at the start of each project. I find biographies, ideally more than one. Each biographer has to have a unique slant on his/her subject – so I like to note the variation. I read about the whole life. Then I concentrate on the childhood years. This is absolutely necessary when my subject is someone highly biographed, like Queen Victoria or Emily Dickinson. With Beryl – there are exactly two memoirs. The first makes her out to be a fascinating saint, the other concentrates on her flaws.

Of course, I relied on her memoir and the memoirs of other young women who grew up in the highlands above Nairobi. The best of these was Elspeth Huxley’s Flame Trees of Thika. My character Dos, is based loosely on Huxley.

Did you find it difficult to write about a real person in a fictional way?

MM: I probably should say yes, but the fact is, NO! After I’ve done my research, I find that I have a clear picture of my main character – what she cares about, what she might say and most importantly, how she will grow up. I find it much harder to flesh out the other characters.

In Promise the Night, you tell the story of Beryl’s childhood in Africa, but you insert notes about her later flight as the first person to fly solo from England to North America. Why did you decide to tell the story this way?

I wanted to write about Beryl when she was young (she’s ten when the story begins and thirteen at the end). In 1913 there weren’t any airplanes in Africa. She might have seen one during the war, but there’s no documentation for that. In her memoir, she mentions seeing a plane for the first time when she is in her 20’s.

However, kids are going to come to this book because she is a famous flyer! And her flight from the UK to North America is without doubt the most dramatic thing that she ever did. So I had to find a way to combine the two stories. I decided that her fascinating childhood was what made the flight possible. Each vignette as an adult, (deciding to fly, learning from her mistakes in the air, the preparation for her flight, etc.) relates to the chapter it precedes. For example, I paired the chapter where her father dares her to ride a wild horse with the story of how a Lord dares her to fly the Atlantic.

Beryl tells a lot of her own story in her memoir, West with the Night. How do you feel Promise the Night provides something different for readers?

MM: West With the Night offers a young reader the most tantalizing glimpses of her childhood. I took the hints and expanded them into a larger story. Hopefully it’s more satisfying. And I would be very pleased if a reader then turns to the librarian and asks for the memoir.

What fascinates you the most about Beryl?

MM: I adore her. She’s so matter-of-fact, even as she runs headlong into danger. She knows what she wants and sets out to earn it. She wasn’t afraid of hard work. And most of all, with the exception of the few people she admires, she does not care what people think of her. I’m sure she made enemies, but I think I would have been proud to be her friend.

Is there anything from the book you think makes a particularly good issue for book clubs to discuss?

MM: I think the issue of race permeates the novel. In Beryl’s mind, she is choosing between the Nandi tribe and the society of other British colonists. She is shocked when her father says the Nandi are “excellent specimens.” Another topic might be the issue of female friendships and why Beryl finds it so hard to form them.

There is a discussion guide on my website if you are interested: http://www.michaelamaccoll.com/librarians.php

Is there anything else you would like to say to readers at Mother Daughter Book Club. com?

MM: This novel was a risky one to write. Beryl Markham isn’t well-known to contemporary audiences which made it a hard sell. The shifting viewpoint between Beryl the child and Beryl the adult pilot also makes it hard to categorize the book. I’m so grateful that Chronicle Books embraced my vision. I hope you do too!

Yesterday, I reviewed Melissa Kantor’s book, The Darlings in Love. Today, I’m thrilled to feature Melissa’s great essay on first kisses, both experiencing them and writing about them. Plus, Melissa is giving away two copies of The Darlings in Love to readers at Mother Daughter Book Club. com. Just leave a comment here with a memory of your first kiss or thoughts of first kisses in general and you’ll be entered to win. Comment before midnight (Pacific Standard Time) on Wednesday, January 25 to be eligible. Addresses in the U.S. and Canada only please. (Please note: the giveaway is closed. Congratulations to Caryn and Kimberly on winning.)

Why I Love to Write A first Kiss

My first kiss was such a debacle that when I blogged about it (http://melissakantorauthor.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-first-kiss-and-most-embarrassing.html), complete strangers wrote in to express their sympathy.

Luckily, though my first kiss was a train wreck, later first kisses (that is, the first kisses I had with the boys who followed that first boy) were not. In fact, when I think back on the Greatest Moments of my life, there are definitely a couple of first kisses that make the Top Ten. Unlike most other memorable experiences—including college graduation (terrifying) a wedding (expensive, stressful) and childbirth (painful/messy)—first kisses have absolutely no down side. After days, weeks, months or even years of back and forth, maybes and maybe nots, suddenly…you know. First kisses are question and answer, taking off and coming home. Time stops during a first kiss even as it races forward. You step back and (if it’s a good first kiss), you find you are grinning in spite of yourself. They are the ultimate Yes!

Sadly, if all your dreams come true and you find yourself happily married to a wonderful man, first kisses are no longer a part of your life. But given that they’re one of life’s greatest pleasures (not to mention free of charge and calories), what’s a girl to do?

It’s a conundrum I’ve resolved by living vicariously through my characters. My books are all about teenage girls, and each of these girls is someone I like and relate to. Sadly, despite my very real affection for these girls, I have to beat them up. Constantly. No sooner do I create them than I give them a crush who doesn’t like them back, parents who are getting divorced or a best friend they’re not speaking to. What we call plot is really sadism—your character wants something and you won’t let her have it.

Which is where first kisses come in. After humiliating, disappointing and generally destroying my characters, I feel I owe them something. And what could be a better reward for all she’s suffered than a perfect, spine-tingling, heart-stopping first kiss. She sees him across a stage, a dance floor, a rec room a…well, you get the idea. Their eyes lock. They cross the space that separates them. And then…sparks fly.

For them and for me, it’s a perfect moment. If you’re a mother, maybe all your first kisses are behind you. If you’re a daughter, maybe all your first kisses are ahead of you. Regardless, isn’t it nice that you can both enjoy reading first kisses as much as we writers enjoy writing them?

To read the first chapter of The Breakup Bible (it’s got a yummy first kiss in it), go to: http://www.melissakantor.com/breakupbible.html .

To tell me about your first kiss (or to read about mine), go to http://www.melissakantor.com and click on my blog.

To read the first chapter of The Darlings in Love (there’s no kiss in the first chapter, but the book’s got two), go to http://www.melissakantor.com/darlingsinlove.html.

Melissa Kantor

Mary Corbett wrote National Guard 101: A Handbook for Spouses to help others navigate the ins and outs of being married to someone in the National Guard. Corbett says she was inspired to write the book after her own experiences left her feeling confused about what her husband was doing and what her role was.Part of the book description says National Guard 101 “covers a broad range of topics, from practical knowledge about the history of the National Guard and understanding rank to softer subjects like social life in the Guard and family programs. Corbett  also details the benefits and assistance resources available to Guard families and guides readers through the process of setting up a Personal Assistance League (PAL) to provide support during deployment.”

The release of Corbett’s book is especially appropriate, as this week marked the 37tth anniversary of the founding of the National Guard. Here’s an interview where Corbett talks about the Guard and her book.

Most people are familiar with the four branches of the United States Armed Services: Army, Navy, Marines, and Air Force. Can you explain to our readers how the National Guard fits into our military?

MC: Across all branches, military members belong either to the active component or the reserve component. The United States National Guard (USNG) and the United States Army Reserve (USAR) are reserve components of the U.S. Army. The National Guard serves a dual mission: providing each state with trained and equipped units to protect life and property, and providing the nation with units that are ready to defend the United States at home and abroad. Each state has its own National Guard, under the control of the Governor (although the President of the United States can request the services of the Guard). Members of the Guard typically serve part-time, except when they are activated to full-time duty. The National Guard is the oldest component of the United States Armed Forces and will celebrate its 375th birthday on December 13, 2011.

What prompted you to write National Guard 101: A Handbook for Spouses?

MC: I married my husband — a long time member of the Minnesota National Guard — in 2000. Although I had family members who had served in the military, I had zero experience with military protocol or culture. The only thing I knew about the National Guard, at that time, was “one weekend a month, two weeks in the summer.” After moving to Georgia in 2001, followed by my husband’s deployment to Guantanamo in 2002, I realized that although I had never considered myself one, I was, indeed, a military wife. I spent a lot of time searching the internet looking for information to help me understand my role as a Guard spouse. I found that much of the information available was targeted toward active-duty spouses who lived on military bases with a completely different lifestyle. I felt there was definitely a need for a book for National Guard spouses. So I wrote it. National Guard 101 is the only book written specifically for the 162,000 Guard spouses.

Can you explain the differences between being a guardsman and being enlisted in one of the four active military branches?

MC: Guardsmen typically serve the military on a part-time basis and maintain civilian employment. Members of the active component typically serve full-time, military careers. When a Guardsman is activated, they become full-time military personnel and are indistinguishable from their active duty counterparts. They receive the same pay and benefits as active duty soldiers. When they are deactivated, they return to part-time service. It’s also worth nothing that, on average, members of the National Guard are older than their active component counterparts.

How is being a guard spouse different from being an active component spouse?

MC: From a family perspective, the lifestyle difference is night and day. National Guard members and their families live in civilian communities and may live far away from the armory where the soldier trains as well as military installations that provide services to active families. In other words, we don’t live on post. We don’t shop at the Post Exchange regularly. We don‘t have the built-in support structure of other military families close at hand. Often, we can be the only military family in our community. Our soldiers have full-time civilian careers that they must manage. It is challenging in a best-case scenario, but when our soldiers are deployed, our lives are affected in a way that is distinct to the citizen-soldier.

How common is deployment for National Guardsman?

MC: Most National Guard families have experience with long-term, overseas deployments. In 2011, Army Chief of Staff Gen. George W. Casey, Jr. stated that “Every Guard brigade has deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, and over 300,000 Guardsmen have deployed in this war.” Since 9/11, virtually every unit of the National Guard — a force the size of the entire active Army — has served on active duty for one or more of the deployments at home or abroad. The last time that the entire National Guard had been mobilized was for World War II.

Do National Guard families face special challenges during deployments?

MC: Because we don’t live on post, it’s likely that our local communities lack familiarity with military experiences, which makes it hard when our soldiers are deployed for long periods of time. While the military provides consistent resources to connect families to military resources during deployments — Family Readiness Groups and Family Assistance Centers — it’s really up to us to figure out how to get the support we need to cover down while our soldier is gone. Fortunately, friends, neighbors, and community members are ready and willing to help Guard families.

What is the biggest obstacle a Guard spouse faces during deployment?

MC: Sometimes, WE are our own biggest obstacle. A lot of Guard spouses aren’t used to asking for help and don’t like to do it. My book tells the reader how to find the right person to “do the asking” for them. The end goal is a Personal Assistance League (PAL) made up of friends, family, and community members who are ready, willing, and eager to help throughout the duration of a deployment. A PAL is a robust and official support system with members who are doing small things occasionally. All of this piecemeal assistance adds up to consistent, steadfast assistance.

What is your favorite part about being a National Guard spouse?

MC: I like that I can live in a regular civilian community but also be a part of our great military. I also love attending social events such as annual holiday parties, family day events, and formal banquets and dining outs.

Mary Corbett is a professional writer and National Guard wife. She has appeared on The Today Show, Fox News Channel, local television affiliates, and nationally syndicated radio. Her first book, The List: 7 Ways to Tell if He’s Going to Marry You in 30 Days or Less was published in 2005. Corbett lives in Alpharetta, Georgia, with her husband Major Jon Roscoe, ARNG, and their children Holly and William. Visit her website www.marycorbett.com.

Sherry Shahan is the author of many works of both fiction and nonfiction, including Purple Daze, a young adult book that looks at the Vietnam War and other events of the ’60s through verse, letters, journal entries and news stories (see my review).

Recently, I was able to ask Shahan a few questions about her writing life and Purple Daze. Here’s what she had to say.

How did you get started as a writer?

SS: It began more as a hobby than anything. Something I could do at home with my two young daughters so my brain wouldn’t turn into strained carrots. My name first appeared on the “Letters to the Editor” page of the L.A. Times. I was hooked! From there I wrote short articles for local newspapers. I never thought I’d write a novel. Novels are long!

You’ve written both fiction and nonfiction, do you have a preference for writing one or the other?

SS: Fiction, nonfiction, picture book or novel—I approach each project on its own ground. My adventure novel Death Mountain was inspired by a personal experience. While attempting to hike up Mt. Whitney my backpacking party got caught in a deadly electrical storm. The pack mule and horse were struck by lightning and killed. When I decided to turn the experience into a novel, I studied the geological history of the area, plus the animal and plant life.

What matters most is that I have a passion for the topic, whether it’s fiction or nonfiction. Most books take years to write. You have to be totally in love with the topic to invest that kind of time.

What did you know about the war in Vietnam before you wrote Purple Daze?

SS: I’d read lots of books about the war before I thought about writing Purple Daze. The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien stands out. Plus I had an ongoing correspondence with my friend Bill, who was in Vietnam during the sixties. He was brutally honest about what was happening there. That was quite an education.

Did you gain a new perspective on it after you researched it and talked to some vets?

SS: From the many vets I interviewed I gleaned intimate details not found in secondary sources. One guy told me he put a condom over the muzzle of his rifle to help keep out steel-rusting moisture. Yet he could shoot through it. Another guy told me it was common to remove tobacco from packs of cigarettes and replace it with marijuana. I knew those details would go in the book.

I’m still horrified at how our vets were treated when they came home. Too many mentioned being spit on and called ‘baby killer.’ One guy said it was 30 years before anyone thanked him for serving in Vietnam. That’s so sad.

The end of high school usually brings a change in life for most people. Do you think that change was intensified in the 1960s?

SS: Everything was intensified in the 1960s. Our cars were big and loud. Our transistor radios were loud. (No earbuds.) It was a time of great experimentation. People of all ages were investigating non-traditional lifestyles—living out of the back of a VW bus or sharing space in a commune.

Music was a powerful reflection of our shift in attitudes. The Times They Are-a Changing (Dylan, 1964) comes to mind, and People Got to be Free (Rascals, 1968).

Is there anything else you’d like to say to readers at Mother Daughter Book Club. com?

SS: People often ask me if the character Cheryl is really me in disguise. My parents still live in the same house I grew up in. There are small holes outside my bedroom door from a hook-and-eye. That was my mom’s attempt to keep me from sneaking out at night. Like the character Cheryl, I simply crawled out the window.

In one scene in the book, Cheryl and Ziggy are piercing each other’s ears. They’re using frozen potatoes to numb them, sort of like an earlobe sandwich. The Animals are wailing, “We Gotta Get Out of This Place.”

And just like Cheryl, I really did shave between my eyebrows. I wasn’t allowed to pluck!

I look forward to answering any questions your book club members may have. Email: kidbooks@thegrid.net

Here are a few photos Shahan has shared that are relevent to Purple Daze.

Sherry Shahan's yearbook photo

Letter from Sherry's friend in Vietnam to her

Sherry's friend Bill (on left) in Vietnam

When Mari McCarthy was last featured on Mother Daughter Book Club.com, it was to talk about mother-daughter journaling and her eBook, Who Are You? How to Use Journaling to Know and Grow Your Life.

As part of her new Wow! (Women on Writing) tour, she’s back with another intriguing guest post about things you should consider before you decide to partner on writing a journal with someone, and some thoughts about who may want to pair up to keep a journal.

McCarthy also has a new eBook just out called Dark Chocolate and the Journaler’s Soul: 17 Personal Journaling Stories for Healing and Growth, in which some of Mari’s friends and associates share their own stories about keeping a journal. You can win a copy of Dark Chocolate by leaving a comment here before midnight (PST) on Friday, December 23.

Journaling: Purely Personal, or for Sharing?

There are many different attitudes towards the question of privacy when it comes to journaling.

• Do you journal strictly for yourself, and fiercely defend the privacy of your notebooks?
• Do you journal privately but hope that your survivors will read your words after you’re gone?
• Do you use your journal as a place to give your writing a workout, later using bits in a book or other publication?
• Do you journal dispassionately, with no real concern for who may or may not read it?
• Do you journal as a way to communicate with a partner, friend, or successor?

Though we think of a journal as a personal tool, we need not think of it as exclusively private. But before embracing the joy of journaling out of the closet, let’s take a moment to remember that private journaling remains of utmost importance. The aspect of journaling that is expression without censure or repercussions or exposure on any level must forever be respected. A journal may become semi- or fully-public only if its author freely allows it.

That being said, many a journal may be created in the spirit of sharing. In this case, it will written by

• an individual who expressly intends it to be read by others, or
• two or more individuals, each contributing entries to one notebook.

In the latter case, the journal is the result of a compact between two or more parties for fun or profit or both.

It has to be a compact, a contract, a shared promise between people who have confidence in one another. Shared journaling isn’t for superficial situations. Intensity, commitment, persistence are all crucial. Trust is paramount.

As noted in my earlier post here, mothers and daughters can make dynamic journaling partners. Others who may put shared journaling to mutual benefit might be:

• Emergency team members
• Travel tour groups
• Recovery groups
• Mentor relationships
• Journaling as a classroom or project requirement
• New parents, sharing a journal for the first year of their child’s life
• Caretakers of any kind

And, of course, untold more possible groupings. If the compact is backed by sufficient trust, shared journals can be transformative. Our personal stories harbor enormous potential for teaching and learning, while providing welcome comfort in their humble familiarity.

The shared journal is shorthand for exploration and learning.

Again, don’t expect that the process of building a shared journal will be without challenges. Sustained effort will be required, despite setbacks. Commit to your partner(s) but even more, commit to yourself that you’ll complete the agreed-upon course. It’s by staying the course that you can accurately judge its effects.

Which leads me to my last tip: make the course relatively brief, to begin with. Agree to share the journal for a short time. When the time’s up, you can continue, increase, decrease, quit, whatever. Let the harmony build naturally. Enlarge your challenges in small bites, and let it all be a pleasure.

What are some relationships or involvements you suggest as having good potential for shared journaling? Please comment!

Mari L. McCarthy, journaling therapy specialist and author, owns Create Write Now, a website dedicated to all things journaling. The site includes hundreds of journaling prompts, personal journaling stories, interviews, a blog, and many other resources. Mari has published nine books to date; her most recent ebook is Help for the Holidays: 7 Days of Journaling to Ho! Ho! Ho!

Nancy Kyme has recently written a novel that’s also part memoir called Memory Lake: The Forever Friendships of Summer. The inspiration for the book came as Kyme drove her daughter and a friend to summer camp, the same one she had attended as a teen. Kyme says Memory Lake was inspired by real events and recalls two parallel times in her life when she was learning to live without her mother. It is also a tribute to summer camp, Lake Michigan, mothers, daughters, and friendships.

In addition to writing, Kyme is the CFO of a small corporation in northern Virginia. She is also the mother of two grown children and a military wife. Here, she reflects on two major events in a woman’s life: losing a mother and sending a daughter off to college.

This time of year is emotional for those of us who have lost our mothers. Mine died ten years ago on December 13. After I had reached my twenties, Mom had become my best friend although five states and hundreds of miles separated us. But, I could always pick up the phone and receive her guidance and wisdom. My daughter had been fifteen at the time of her death, on the verge of those turbulent teenage years. She grieved for her Gramsy, but she couldn’t really understand the level of my sorrow. She was entrenched in the self-absorbed years, just as I had been at her age, when it took all my focus and energy to keep up with a popular crowd while trying not to compromise my values through a land mine of peer pressure.

For many, many months after Mom had passed, I would pick up the phone to call her, to share my pain and sorrow of her passing, or the latest trial of parenting, only to set it down again, knowing she would never again be on the other end. How keenly I had felt the paradox of recovery; the one person who could lift me from the suffering was the reason for it. Somewhere along the way, I had begun to hear my mom without the telephone. As my daughter’s high-school years wound down, I would hear Mom say, “You have to let her go. No more hovering about, arms wide-open, issuing gentle warnings and ultimatums.” When it came time to send her off to college in another state, I would hear Mom say, “Put on a smile, though you least feel like it, and send her off with encouraging words and a prayer for success.”

During those turbulent teenage years, I had hoped the kind, compassionate adult I had glimpsed at times within my daughter would return to stay and we would be the best of friends, as I had been with my mother. Now she is twenty-five and I marvel at the beauty of my mom’s wisdom and the power of prayer. I recently traveled overseas, beyond the range of emails and cell phones. My daughter was experiencing life as a newlywed, in a strange state, with a new job, and desperately needed to talk. Unable to reach me, she began to envision a world without Mom. Inexplicable pangs of worry assaulted me across the miles, and I sensed an overpowering need to phone her immediately upon my return. Full of tears, she said, “Mom, now I know how you felt when Gramsy died! It must have been awful to think you could never talk to her again!”

An entire country now separates us, but my daughter frequently picks up the phone to call me. I hear laughter and tears on the other end, the budding wisdom of a future mother, and I hear my own mother, speaking through me saying, “It will be all right, this too shall pass.”

Photo by Jenni Howell Photography

Tess Hilmo is the author of With a Name Like Love, a book that looks at the power of compassion and friendship, and how the collective reasoning of people in a town isn’t always right. (Check out my review and details of a book giveaway.) In this essay, Hilmo talks about ways words can build us up or knock us down.

The Power of Words

By Tess Hilmo

Words are powerful! They can lift someone to the greatest heights or break someone’s heart. Every day we choose which words we will use.

Thinking about this concept, I am reminded of Harry Potter, one of my favorite characters in children’s literature. As you will recall, among Harry’s many courses at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was Professor Flitwick’s class in charms. In this course the students learned that by saying certain words in a certain way, they could make magic happen.

I’ve discovered this to be true in my own life. Consider these magic formulas:

• You can change a sad person into a happy, confident person by saying: “You are amazing!” or “I really like how you did that!” in an upbeat, outgoing tone.
• You can magically heal a broken friendship by saying the formula: “I’m sorry for what I did.  Will you forgive me?” Don’t forget the required tone: sincerity.

My book, With a Name Like Love, also has examples of this. There is a boy named Jimmy who is all alone and going through a really tough time. He tries to keep positive, but it is difficult because some people in town say unkind things to him. At one point, Jimmy comes to a revival at the invitation of the main character, Ollie Love. A mean spirited woman, Mrs. Carter, tells Jimmy to leave. Here is what happens:

Esther Carter was standing behind Ollie.  “Go on, boy.  Git.”

The boy shoved his hands into his blue jeans pockets, turned and sulked off toward town.

Hot anger rushed up through Ollie’s veins. “He’s not some dog you can chase off.”

Mrs. Carter turned back to the crowd. “You’re right,” she said over her shoulder. “A dog is good for something.”

Beyond simply being cruel, words can also mislead people. There is another part in the novel where Mrs. Carter says,

“If’n you’re asking me, I’d say you were looking for a mess of trouble invitin’ that Koppel boy to your celebration. He’ll bring bad luck upon you and your whole clan—plus shoo us good people away.”

This statement is untrue and paints Jimmy (Koppel) in an unfair light, possibly costing him the help he so desperately needs.

On the other hand, there are many examples of the Love family helping Jimmy and lifting him up with their kind words. They invite him for meals and offer to help him with his problems. This is what happens at a later revival:

“And Jimmy did feel welcome. . . . It was a beautiful sight to see the joy coming from somewhere deep inside of him. The joy that comes when you finally let go of the worry and settle down in the comfort of friends.”

Our words matter! And, remember, you don’t have to be a wizard to work magic. You can be a regular person, like Ollie Love, who uses the enchanting power of words to change someone’s life for the better.

Bianca Turetsky is the author of The Time-Traveling Fashionista (see my review), a book about a girl who tries on a vintage dress and ends up transported back to the time the original owner wore it. It’s the first in a new series, and here, Turetsky talks about how she became a writer, her interest in fashion and the stories that go with history, as well as what’s up next in her series.

How did you decide to become a writer?

BT: I’ve been writing stories since I was a little girl. My first published piece was a poem I wrote when I was seven years old and I was hooked from there! (Although I’ve since realized that poetry is definitely not my forte

What do you like about being a writer?

BT: So much! I love discovering the story. For my book The Time-Traveling Fashionista, I had an idea of how it would begin and how it would end, but the middle part was an adventure I got to go on as well. It was fun to surprise myself.

I also love the feeling of connectedness I’ve gotten from this book. Writing is such a solitary act but when the book goes out into the world and other people can relate to it and it starts a dialogue, that’s pretty awesome. There’s nothing better than hearing from my readers.

What do you find to be your biggest challenge in writing?

BT: My biggest challenge is finding the time to do it. I write every morning before I go to work, and often times I have to leave right when I get to the good part. It’s really frustrating, but then again I’m always excited to start again the next day so maybe it’s a good thing.

In The Time-Traveling Fashionista, Louise loves vintage clothing. Is that an interest you share with your character? Is so, what do you like about it?

BT: Yes! One of my favorite things is going to thrift stores and flea markets and hunting for the perfect vintage piece. Unlike going to the Gap, you never know what treasures you’re going to find!

Why did you decide to write about traveling to a different time?

BT: The idea came to me about 5 years ago after visiting this amazing vintage shop in New Haven, Connecticut, called Fashionista Vintage and Variety. It’s owned by these two fabulous women, Todd and Nancy, who know everything and anything about vintage clothing. I tried on this pink party dress that belonged to a Mrs. Baxter from Newport, Rhode Island, and I couldn’t help but wonder what her life was like, what the last gala or fancy event was that she wore this to. Was she in love? Was she happy? And how in a way, her memory was being preserved through this garment.

How did you research the fashions of the time Louise travels to?

BT: In an amazing coincidence one of the hottest fashion designers of the time, Lady Lucy Duff Gordon, happened to be on the Titanic as well. She made these dresses she called “emotional gowns” which she would personalize to the woman she designed them for. She thought she could capture the soul of the woman in them, which was one of the themes I was trying to get across. So I read a lot about her.

What kind of research did you conduct to find out about other historical details from the time period?

BT: I did a lot of research online (although of course you can’t trust those sources 100%) and at my local library. Also one of my friends was an assistant director on the Titanic movie, and ended up being a huge resource to me. He had this great illustrated book that James Cameron gave to the crew which really helped me get an idea of the layout of the ship, and what it would be like to actually have been a passenger on the boat. From what I would have eaten in the first class dining room, to how I would have spent my free time, to who I would be traveling with. Through these pages and drawings, I really felt like I was there.

Do you enjoy spending time on research?

BT: I was actually surprised by how much I loved the research side of the book. History was never my favorite subject in school, but approaching it from a different angle, in this case through the clothing and the personal stories, was fascinating to me. It made this event that happened almost 100 years ago seem so much more real and personal.

As this is a new series, is there a general message you like to have come across in each of the books?

BT: I think that each book has a slightly different message, but there is a little bit of a Wizard of Oz, “there’s no place like home” feeling to this one!

Can you tell us a little bit about Louise’s next adventure?

BT: I’ll give you a hint; I took an amazing research trip to Versailles and to Paris, the birthplace of haute couture. So Louise is going to have some sort of fabulous French adventure on the horizon! The Time-Traveling Fashionista and the Palace of Marie Antoinette will be out Sept 2012. Stay tuned!

Is there anything else you’d like to share with readers at Mother Daughter Book Club. com?

BT: I just think it’s so great that you have a mother daughter book club. I am still sending my mom books that I think she’ll love after I finish them, but I wish that we had something like this when I was growing up. Books are such a great springboard for talking about all kind of subjects that you may not otherwise discuss.

And I’d love to share the The TimeTraveling Fashionista Reading Guide as well.

Today I’m taking part in the WOW! Women on Writing tour for Mari L. McCarthy, the author of a new eBook called, Who Are You? How to Use Journaling to Know and Grow Your Life. A former business consultant, McCarthy now teaches others how to improve their lives through therapeutic journaling and uses journaling herself as a tool for business, for writing, and for life. Her new book focuses on revealing hidden fears (and how they hold you back), listening to your inner coach (that wiser voice inside), and finding out who you really are.

In this essay McCarthy created for Mother Daughter Book Club. com, she talks about the joy of sharing your journal with someone. Would you like a copy of her new eBook? Just leave a comment with your thoughts about journaling before midnight (PDT) Monday, September 26 and you’ll be entered to win one. Please note: the giveaway is closed. Congratulations to Amber on winning.

The Shared Journal – Mother-Daughter Adventures

By Mari L. McCarthy

You might think journaling is an entirely private matter, but that is not always the case. Some journals, like project or travel logs, are actually meant to be read by other people. Sometimes a journal is originally composed by several different people as a sort of team effort. So journal writing is not necessarily a solitary activity.

Consider the fun, therefore, of doing journaling in tandem with your daughter. You could share one notebook to express your thoughts on whatever topics you want. Some possibilities might be:

• Life in general
• Stuff I’m worried about
• My thoughts about what I am currently reading
• What I dreamed about last night
• How I’m doing in my progress toward goals

… and, of course, about a zillion other possible subjects of interest.

It would be fun, don’t you think, to pick up that well-worn notebook and read what your daughter wrote last night when she came in from her date? And, as the daughter, wouldn’t it be interesting to read accounts of your mother’s dreams?

Here’s one way of structuring the practice.

• Agree to try it. Look eye-to eye and be sure both parties are ready to give this journaling thing a go.

• Agree on a place where you will keep the notebook. Be sure it is safe from any prying eyes.

• Stick with the program for at least a couple of weeks no matter what. Write and read faithfully and as much as possible without judgment. If it seems awkward or difficult at first, keep working at it. Soon enough, you’ll be addicted!

• Agree whether or not to discuss the writings out loud. If one party or another would rather not talk out loud about anything in the journal, this wish should be respected. In any event, avoid over-discussing the journal entries. Let the process remain a written, not a spoken one.

• Assuming the process is as fascinating to you as I predict it will be, continue at your own pace. Find your own forms and rules. A mother-daughter journal shares the life of your mind and bonds the two of you closer than ever.

Now, be honest. If you have a relatively healthy relationship with your mother or daughter, is there any good reason not to share in this generously intimate way?

What are your ideas for mother-daughter journaling?

By Mari L. McCarthy – The Journaling Therapy Specialist, founder of Journaling for the Health of It™.  Please visit Mari’s blog at http://www.createwritenow.com/journal-writing-blog/. In Who Are You? How to Use Journaling Therapy to Know and Grow Your Life (http://www.createwritenow.com/journal-therapy-store#ecwid:category=1077033&mode=product&product=4674145), Mari presents a gentle process for self discovery through journaling. Mari’s latest publication is titled, Your Money Matters! Use Journal Writing Therapy to Get Financially Fit Now. See http://www.createwritenow.com/journal-therapy-store#ecwid:category=1077033&mode=product&product=5436679 for details.